Now you'll be singing that song for the rest of the day. "Wah oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh, wah oh oh..."
Ok this blog is not just for single ladies but it is directed at them. I want to just go ahead and say I am writing this letter to encourage people. That is my sole intent. I am not the best with words so if you read this the wrong way you could be easily offended. I am writing this with all of my almost four years of experience with marriage (that's a whole lot, right?) so I am not trying to say that I know what it's all about. Four years isn't long at all but Brad and I have faced some challenges that it takes some couples many more than four years to encounter. Honestly, sometimes it feels like a lot more than four years. Other times it feels like just yesterday he was proposing to me on that beautiful night. (pause to revel in the memory of that wonderful night...........................ok, back to reality).
So, to recap my intro: I know a lot about marriage. I don't know a lot about marriage. I will forever be singing "Put A Ring On It". Ok here we go...
An Open Letter to (Not Just) Single Ladies:
Dear (Person in whatever stage you are in),
Please read this entire letter before you make a judgment about it.
There is a super-cheesy quote I am seeing all over Pinterest that says, "wherever you are, be all there." or something of that nature. I personally prefer "be where you are". I have been giving this a lot of thought lately. As cheesy as it is, it is really useful if you actually apply it to your life.
I have a few single friends, some young and some older, and I have a few things to say to y'all. It's hard to see past being single if all you want is to be married, and I get that (I was single before I was married). I just want to encourage you to enjoy life where you are right now. Try to see the good side of being single. I could make you a list if you want, starting with taking naps whenever you want. I know you're thinking, "I want companionship and children so desperately bad, and this chick is telling me I should be glad I can take a nap??". Yes, I am saying you should be glad you can take a nap. You should also be thankful that you have no responsibility for anything other than yourself. Marriage (and children) come with great responsibility and you don't know exactly how big of a deal that is till you actually get married. I wish so badly that I had not taken for granted how "free" I was before I was married.
Let me stop right there to insert this disclaimer: I am extremely, undoubtedly happy with my life. I love being married, I love my husband, I love my children (and want lots more of them). I would die for them in the blink of an eye. They are my world. Please don't take this letter as me saying wishing I was single again. This is just to highlight the things that I do miss about being single and every once in awhile, I long for them again. Get my drift?
That being said, I spent most to all of my time either taking care of my husband/children or thinking about my husband/children or thinking about what I would ever do without my husband/children. There isn't a lot of "me" time. It is fine because I know what I am doing is the best for my family and I love my family. The reality is, though, that sometimes I would like to have a day without all of those responsibilities and cares. If I was single, I could just pick up and go to the beach one day and not have to worry about when my kids are gonna nap and packing up half the house with me and how we're going to pay for the gas/food for the trip. I am saying this to ENCOURAGE you who are single. There's no way to describe life in the "next" stage without actually entering that "next" stage, but try to appreciate the stage you are in and make the most of it.
Brad and I had about a year and a half together before I got pregnant with Jeremiah and boy, did we enjoy ourselves. I love to think back to our first year of marriage when we lived in our tiny 450-sq ft studio apartment in Charleston. We had such a wonderful time together. We also had a lot of arguments. It's hard learning to live with someone who is (gasp!) completely different than you. After you get married, reality sets in. If you view marriage the way we do, divorce is not an option. There were times when I thought (and I'm sure he did too): "what in the world did I get myself into? I can't undo this!" I still have those thoughts from time to time. Being married is hard and wonderful. I just wish I knew how hard it was before I did it. I would do it all over again if I had the chance, but I wish I were more prepared for it.
I would also like to encourage those couples who are childless. I do not presume to know how heartbreaking it is to want children so badly and can't for some reason you may or may not know. I feel great sympathy for those couples longing for children. Obviously having children is a wonderful thing, else people wouldn't do it over and over again. There are times though that I think back to life before children. I could actually run an errand without loading and unloading my children. It takes longer now to load and unload the kids than it does to actually run the errand! As wonderful as children are (again, I would do it the exact same way if given the choice), they are a lot of work. Not only the physical part of pretty much being a slave to them for the first year til they learn how to do some things for themselves, but the emotional side of it. Having children hurts. It feels like your heart is walking around outside of your body. I could make myself cry just thinking about something happening to one of them. Children bring joy unimaginable but also make you incredibly vulnerable. I didn't even consider that before I had Jeremiah. I just knew that I loved him and he would be the sweetest little baby in the world. When I delivered him, I was overcome with emotion (as many women are). I spent the first several months of his life in a hyper-emotional state. Anything he did made me cry. I loved him so much. I still do. I was a little less emotional with Keegan but still felt that great explosion of joy when he was born. I understand wanting to experience that SO badly that it's all you can think about. I just want to tell you couples who are trying for a baby (or will in the future) to appreciate your time alone with one another. Don't miss out on your peaceful, sleep-filled nights together, your day-dates, your vacations, your quiet and romantic meal times. You'll wish you didn't take them for granted. Trust me.
I could be completely satirical and say that some single people wish they were married, married people wish they had children, and married people with children wish they were single. I think if all of my friends in all of these different stages were completely honest with themselves, they would somewhat agree. There are good and bad things about each stage and we tend to focus on the bad things in the stage we are in and look forward to the good in the "next" stage.
The whole point of this letter is to encourage you, in whatever stage you are in, to just enjoy life. If you're single, be happy. I'm not saying don't look for a spouse or that you should feel guilty for wanting that for your life, but enjoy this stage. Enjoy only having yourself to answer to or take care of. You can never have that back. Don't take it for granted. If you are married and wanting children, that is great. Children are such a blessing. Just don't ignore the time you have alone with your spouse. Enjoy it. Be spontaneous. Take advantage of your time together. You'll wish you had. If you are married with children, BE THERE with your family. Enjoy those fleeting moments of late-night rocking your children, wiping their snotty noses, and reading to them. There will be a day in your house (and mine) where the silence is deafening. I complain all the time about having to wipe hand prints off of my white cabinets, all the while thinking that there will be a day when I never have to do that again and I will wish I had to.
I am saying all of this to myself as much as all of you. I waste time like you wouldn't believe sitting around on Facebook. I admit it. I need to put the computer down and play with my kids more often. I don't want to take for granted my time as a mom of young children.
I hope that I got my point across. Like I said, I'm not good with words. I just wish someone had pounded in my head over and over again through each stage I have been through to just be happy where I was instead of always pining away for the next stage. Again, I hope this doesn't sound like I'm just this miserable soul who feels stuck in life. I assure you I am not. I adore my stage in life. I also know that it is just a season that will pass before I know it. I want to be happy and appreciate it, just as I encourage you to do.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
